Memoirs of my Mid night dreams - Chaos in sleep -

Prologue

An unknown inner self. .. whatever you may call it.. may be.... it can be you..your true self...!

nobody knows what happened or what is happening or what will happen
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day - 1 -

There are so many things going on in my mind right now. Feelings are being transferred in and out of my brain at god knows what speed. Every second makes me ask innumerable questions to myself. Don’t know why but I don’t feel terrible but utterly confused. Why am I not getting those answers. What answers I wonder, when did I ask the questions in first place.. Suddenly remembering that I have had hundreds and millions of sub conscious thoughts .What is being conscious , was I not knowing all this or is it just a myriad automatic generated sequences..I don’t really know..Still wondering what it has do with the answers which I’m looking for...Still confused and could not believe what was happening to me. I didn’t realize..I never realized..How could I...All these thought were always inside me. They kept lingering in my head which I never knew. Which I had never bothered before but just let them off. How could a man with poor or no knowledge about brains, philosophy or thought process..could have understood it. I’m a lay man with a simple life of doing what is to be done as usual. Thinking in plain terms. I studied. Got a job. Enjoyed all way through my life. Even now having a blast of a time.. Life looks like a straight path..Do work.. manipulate things successfully..get things done. get some name..work hard..is that all. 

Is life that easy to live. We all have problems. Who doesn’t have problems. But still.. I really don’t understand. Why should it happen in first place. Questions and lot more questions. Why doesn’t something like this happens. I stand opening my arms outwards and tilting back a little and looking upwards..suddenly something like an intense beam of glowing light strikes me hard in my chest making my eyes glow with unknown ..unseen colors.. making me feel more lighter as if I never had any weight of my own. This unexplained phenomenon helps me realize the answers I was looking for...Finally it feels good. Suddenly I seem to relax. All of a sudden ,it sinks in me that nothing has happened yet..But it would be for better if something like that happened. This imperative seems to have made me feel better even though, nothing of that sort happened. This again raises more questions. Why was it so? Is it a dream within a dream. I never knew that ..maybe I’ll never know that. What has randomness to do with it. Maybe it’s just like that. All these things seemed to happen immediately one after the other. Though I never knew the answers in real. What happened made me to think. When I can feel or realize what I was looking for..just by pure imagination of my own...then it means...something like..what the..what the hell...if I can feel so...then the answers must be hidden inside me..... Oh my god .. I now realize this..Otherwise the strange feeling wouldn’t have helped me to realism them. what does this hidden inside me means ..maybe it’s some kind of self-realization for what I was looking for..I don’t understand anything..nothing seems to be in order. But one thing I have realize today is that. I don’t have to search for answers anywhere else. But within me. This clearly emphasizes the phrase very well, “So far.., And yet so near". Okay coming to a conclusion that today is really worth it, because I was able to know., if not find where to look for answers..

All’s well that ends well. But suddenly I don’t feel god or maybe I never felt good..wonder why this keeps happening to me..If there are answers then there has to be questions. this is logical right. logic has its own way. How did these so called questions come in the first place. Thinking all this makes me weak in my knees.. shuddering thoroughly that I have come back to square one. I hate this philosophy of logic. Questions give rise to answers but why does it go the opposite. Now the answers are there..that too I feel ..still.. lot of work needs to be done... I just know where is the key..and am yet to open the lock..meaning find the answers..Why is this happening in first place. Why should I go through all this... Of all that happened now..I am back again... finding where did the questions come from the first place. Maybe there might have been a mistake early on. I think I remember now.. I was supposed to find why and where this questions come from..somehow everything seems mismashed..I see.. I was referring to something...yah..the sub conscious thoughts…how could I forget this…I really don’t know… Someone undergoing severe trauma...might recollect what raising the hell means!!...I am not joking though...seems.. I have done the same to myself...


to be continued... ^^ May be a continuing or random dream ^^sorry folks, I dont gurantee my midnight dreams ;)